Marsiquillio Dibando is back in his Mansion on Eastern Long Island. He is sitting in his familiar study in front of his fireplace. In his hand is a glass filled with a 26-year-old Whiskey, no ice. After taking a sip he places the glass down and begins to write something in a ledger on his desk. After a moment of writing he faces the camera and begins to speak.
Well, I think I speak for all the UTA when I say how glad I was to hear from Devon Lynch. There's nothing more enjoyable then listening to him rant on and on and on about "The One". Everybody knows all about that guy by now. But few of us actually understand the whole meaning of what this guys means to Devon Lynch. When he starts talking about him, you know, 4 years 2 weeks, 3 days, 23 hours and 4 minutes ago, blah, blah, blah, most of us wonder just what the hell he's exactly talking about. Maybe somebody knows, but personally I have no idea. So I have done some investigating and have come up with several intriguing possibilities.
1. In a brutal act of betrayal, "The One", who is somebody close to Mr. Lynch grabs his nut sack on the specific day always mentioned. Devon Lynch is traumatized and hides under the filthy clothes under his bed for two weeks. Upon emerging from his self-inflicted exile, Mr. Lynch is determined to see his attacker brought to justice. However, due to a vast police conspiracy, the attacker is never arrested. Fearing reprisal however, he does flee, leaving Devon Lynch determined to find him. One day if he ever does catch that man, you can be sure Devon Lynch will grab his nuts over and over again to get even with the man who robbed him of his innocence.
2. Another possibility could be that one this date Devon Lynch found out that his mother was a filthy slut. Instead of the father he had always known, Devon Lynch discovers that "The One is actually his father. After going to the library to learn about DNA, Devon is horrified to discover that people look like their fathers. Distraught that he is destined to be, or already is an ugly piece of trash, Devon hides under his bed for two days. After being reassured by his mother that everything is okay, she introduces him to his 8 brothers and sisters, who all have different fathers. After another trip to the library, Devon goes right back under his bed to formulate revenge against the man who wrecked his life by being his father.
3. A final and quite likely scenario finds Devon working in some promotion on the specific date. 'The One", being owner of this fed, has the difficult job of informing Devon that he is a no talent, scrub, who doesn't have a future in wrestling. Horrified, Devon Lynch hides under his bed for a whole month. Once he comes out he goes to see "The One", and begs him to let him remain in his promotion. Feeling pity for Lynch, "The One" informs him that Lynch can take another job with one of his businesses until a spot opens up for him to wrestle in. Lynch, overjoyed, accepts the job and reports to work the next day. What he was not told was that "The One" owned a circus and needed good men to scoop up Elephant Dung. After a month of that crappy job, Lynch quit and vowed revenge on the man who had caused him to have that awful stink, a stink which has not gone away to this day.
Now these are all distinct possibilities that I have uncovered, using my profiler ability. None of them may be true so I'll talk about what I know for sure. On Monday I'm going to lower myself and step into the ring with Devon Lynch. He thinks that he's going to have an easy time and I'm okay with that. Unfortunately for him, he's not going to be prepared for the beating that I'm going to dish out. I've been off for two long and I'm getting very anxious to return to the ring and showcase my abilities. The tougher the match Devon Lynch gives me, the better. The more he hurts me the happier I will be to be back and the better it will be when I pin his ass. I have a feeling that I'm not going to be so happy on Monday but what can I do about it?
On a related topic I've heard some rumblings from the Spawn about our Trinity which was weakened by an unexpected departure. I'll just say that Dominick and myself make a more formidable team then all ten of you, or however many of you there are, put together. Whether we recruit a new member or not is still being discussed, but if things stay as they are right now I'm confident with where we stand. After all the belt count is Trinity 2, Spawn 1. And while that Trinity numbers is going to rise, you can expect that Spawn number to decline. Any time you guys want to rumble with Dominick or myself I'd advise you to bring it on.
Marsiquillio leans back in his chair as the camera fades to black.